I saw this great article over at the Neo-Geo forums and sadly the majority of these “signs†are right on the nose. I’ve probably gamed the most this weekend than I have in the last couple of months combined. I’m talking about 3-4 hours of actual straight game time. That’s sad really. Life’s been busy and I have a bag full of excuses but alas it’s just getting harder and harder to find time anymore.
The only thing that keeps me coming back to gaming, right now, is good old Gamer’s guilt. My dear friend Guilt, don’t ever leave me…
–Jangofatt
You used to play videogames all night. Your Quake prowess was unmatched; your skills at Command & Conquer unparalleled. You have a gaming history that stretches back beyond the PlayStation generation to the SNES, Megadrive, Amiga and ZX Spectrum. You were there at the dawn of gaming.
Tick-tock… Time passes. You’ve quietly come to realise that you’re not the hard-core gamer you used to be. Even your Xbox 360 Gamertag seems far too ‘sensible’. How do you know that a mid-life gaming crisis is setting in? Watch out for these warning signs…
You prefer playing against the computer
Online gaming against real people has become depressing – it exposes your faded, spoon-sharp reflexes and you abhor the trash-talk from 12-year old fanboys. You prefer playing offline against the computer because a game’s algorithms are slightly more predictable. And, once you master the scripted patterns of play, you stand a real chance of being good… of actually winning. And that feels great, doesn’t it? Ranking second-bottom on a multiplayer leader board doesn’t.
You only play when your girlfriend is out
Because you only have one high-def TV and to play videogames on it while she’s at home is ‘selfish’ and not something the two of you can do ‘together’.
You believe that winning isn’t everything
It’s the taking part that counts. Obviously. And that’s not because you’re not good at games. You are. But you’ve found that there’s more to life than spending five hours every night killing all of the Templars in Assassin’s Creed. The fact that you can’t find the last three Templars is irrelevant.
It’s been days, not hours since you last switched on your console
Because things keep getting in the way: TV, movies, books, going out to restaurants, shopping, going down the pub, DIY, dinner parties, the gym, more DIY, your girlfriend/wife/boyfriend [delete as applicable]… oh, and having a job.
You’re the oldest person trading in games at GameStation
So you lie about why you’re there. “It’s, ahem, my son’s birthday. I’d like to trade these in for Guitar Hero please…”
You like your Xbox 360 and your PS3 equally
Being a more ‘mature’ gamer means you have more disposable income, so you can afford the luxury of owning a PS3 and an Xbox 360. So you’ve become the gaming equivalent of the United Nations, calming accepting the virtues of both consoles to the deaf ears of Xbox zealots and Sony fanboys (who simply ignore you and carry on their slanging match regardless). Because when you stare at those side-by-side game comparison shots on CVG, you can’t see the difference. Maybe the PS3 palette is lighter… maybe… Of course, your eyesight could be failing…
You fondly remember a ‘golden age’ of gaming
You lament the current glut of videogame sequels and often talk fondly of an innovative ‘golden age’ of gaming. You remember Manic Miner, good ‘ol Chuckie Egg and the Ultimate games on the ZX Spectrum. You played Sensible Soccer the first time around on the Amiga, Elite on your mate’s BBC B, and finished Sonic The Hedgehog on the Megadrive. Happy days… But when modernised versions of these gaming classics turn up on Xbox Live, your excitement quickly evaporates. You quickly realise that, by today’s standards, those cherished oldies are now shallow, repetitive and not much fun.
You avoid playing on the Wii because it’s too much effort
There’s no denying that the Nintendo Wii is a revolutionary games machine but… well, it does require a lot of effort. Aren’t there times when you just want to slouch into a comfy sofa with a traditional joypad? Times when you can’t be arsed with all that wiimote waving and waggling? It’s way too energetic – a 20 minute bowling session in Wii Sports is almost akin to a full workout.
Your FPS experience consists of spawn, run, die… spawn, run, die… spawn…
The reflexes that served you so well in GoldenEye and Quake seem to be two seconds slower than everybody else these days. You think ‘fire’, ‘jump’, ‘spin’, ‘run’, ‘collect spinny power-up’, but your fingers press ‘fire’ (and pause), ‘fire’ (and pause), ‘spin’ and… no, I actually meant ‘jump’, and – oh, I’m dead. Either you’re slowing down, or today’s hard-core gamerati are faster than you ever were.
You find the idea of videogames based on board games perfectly acceptable
Anyone for a game of Carcassonne tonight? The wife’s out until 10pm and I’ll be online after I’ve had my dinner…
You’ve pre-ordered GTA IV but don’t mind if it doesn’t turn up on launch day
Wednesday’s just fine. Really. You’re a bit busy at the moment, anyway. In fact, you probably won’t get a chance to play GTA IV until the weekend. You’re also not bothered by the prospect of downloading the DLC for GTA IV either. You’ll never finish the main game anyway.
^_^ you spelled your name wrong!
Yeah, I still hate that I have so many unfinished games…. but I’m getting better at games, not slower.
You prefer playing against the computer
On every genre EXCEPT 2D fighters
You only play when your girlfriend is out
I have to play when my fiance is sleeping…but I have no Xbox360 right now so I’ve been catching up on a crap load of comics
You believe that winning isn’t everything
Even in my hardest of hardcore days, I’ve always believed that. I’m a good winner and a good loser, as long as no cheating/complaining happened.
It’s been days, not hours since you last switched on your console
Kinda hard for me, since I’m surrounded by them all day, everyday…but if I say, worked at Borders, I’d probably only play these games all year.
Capcom vs. SNK 2
Street Fighter Anniversary
Marvel vs. Capcom 2
whatever current Pro Wrestling game is out
whatever current comic game
whatever current BioWare game or Fable 2
You like your Xbox 360 and your PS3 equally
Don’t have a PS3, don’t really want one at this point. Simply no games that are a must have and Home keeps getting pushed back. And I give a shit less about High Definition DVD formats.
You fondly remember a ‘golden age’ of gaming
Let’s face it folks, I’m not sure when there was a golden age…but there was an age of Quality. Now I believe we are in the age of “Celebrating mediocrity because companies are pumping out faceless manufactured products too fast, too soon and hundreds of games based on proven trends while original games go unnoticed because there is no promotion behind them”
You avoid playing on the Wii because it’s too much effort
I avoid playing the Wii because most games are exactly the same gimmicky controls and anything remotely entertaining is not worth me buying another one for.
Your FPS experience consists of spawn, run, die… spawn, run, die… spawn…
My FPS experience usually goes like this: “Oh crap, I accidentally put my roommates Call of Duty 4 into my Xbox…take it out.”
You prefer playing against the computer
—Boss battles are where the best graphics are.
You believe that winning isn’t everything
—Depends, are there unlockables that may cause me to work against contributing to a win to access.
It’s been days, not hours since you last switched on your console
—I fire up a console maybe every other weekend, but my PC gets daily use. Though my PC gaming does occasionally consist of playing a couple hands of freecell while waiting for a websites to load.
You’re the oldest person trading in games at GameStation
—My disposable income means I keep games forever and often buy them just so I can delude myself that one day I may actually crack the case and give it a whirl.
You like your Xbox 360 and your PS3 equally
—Have neither, would probably buy a 360 if Microsoft ever gets the bugs worked out.
You fondly remember a ‘golden age’ of gaming
—I remember when firing up my SNES was always a joy, and the games were always great. Plus you’d have to admit that there had to have been a ‘golden’ age considering how many games NES and SNES games have been ported to various handhelds for the younger generations to enjoy.
You avoid playing on the Wii because it’s too much effort
—Don’t have one, so my limited exposure is always enjoyable.
Your FPS experience consists of spawn, run, die… spawn, run, die… spawn…
—Multiclass FPSs let me roll as a defense/support class which don’t see nearly as much action. Hooray for medics, engineers and snipers (cue camper whining.)
You find the idea of videogames based on board games perfectly acceptable.
—Risk on the PC was awesome.
You used to play videogames all night. Your Quake prowess was unmatched; your skills at Command & Conquer unparalleled. You have a gaming history that stretches back beyond the PlayStation generation to the SNES, Megadrive, Amiga and ZX Spectrum. You were there at the dawn of gaming.
/// Not really. My first gaming system was a Nintendo 64, followed by the Playstation. I played at Baldy’s house mainly, so the love was there from early days, but I came to gaming a decade later than most my friends, aside from arcades.
Tick-tock… Time passes. You’ve quietly come to realise that you’re not the hard-core gamer you used to be. Even your Xbox 360 Gamertag seems far too ‘sensible’. How do you know that a mid-life gaming crisis is setting in? Watch out for these warning signs…
/// I still find myself creating absurd situations uproaringly hilarious to play out, making childish clan tags in COD4 and giggling hysterically when an enemy blows up my Warhog with a well placed ‘nade. I’m about as hardcore a FPS gamer as I always have been. The collection grows.
You prefer playing against the computer
/// Fuck no. As much as I despise the really shrill hateful people you get (and the kids OY!) online on console and PC, I love multiplayer and I buy games just to play with my friends.
Online gaming against real people has become depressing – it exposes your faded, spoon-sharp reflexes and you abhor the trash-talk from 12-year old fanboys. You prefer playing offline against the computer because a game’s algorithms are slightly more predictable. And, once you master the scripted patterns of play, you stand a real chance of being good… of actually winning. And that feels great, doesn’t it? Ranking second-bottom on a multiplayer leader board doesn’t.
/// This is bullshit. I get my ass handed to myself all the time, but I dole out some surprising upsets in every game I play. I just have a good time playing, winning just means the team worked together.
You only play when your girlfriend is out.
/// I’m seeing a dabbling gamer. Who knows? But every girl I ever dated before usually sat around for a it at least and one of them was so hardcore into QUake I had to kick her off my computer.
Because you only have one high-def TV and to play videogames on it while she’s at home is ‘selfish’ and not something the two of you can do ‘together’.
/// Thanks to the DS, I never worried.
You believe that winning isn’t everything
/// I suppose. Winning is fun, but I’ve met as many kids that just like having collective fun, as adults who are obsessed with beating the other team.
It’s the taking part that counts. Obviously. And that’s not because you’re not good at games. You are. But you’ve found that there’s more to life than spending five hours every night killing all of the Templars in Assassin’s Creed. The fact that you can’t find the last three Templars is irrelevant.
/// I can’t say anything about AC having never played it, but Thief 3 was my personal obesession. Exploring every inch is half the fun.
It’s been days, not hours since you last switched on your console.
/// Only if the book I’m reading is really awesome, but I love books more than games.
Because things keep getting in the way: TV, movies, books, going out to restaurants, shopping, going down the pub, DIY, dinner parties, the gym, more DIY, your girlfriend/wife/boyfriend [delete as applicable]… oh, and having a job.
/// If you were a kid, it’d be family vacations, church, school, sports, hanging with friends outside. Me and Baldy played a shitload of games and zipped around the town. Every age is busy.
You’re the oldest person trading in games at GameStation
/// Not as long as Sean walks the Earth. Hell at 29 I’m still just above the middle of the gaming median.
So you lie about why you’re there. “It’s, ahem, my son’s birthday. I’d like to trade these in for Guitar Hero please…”
/// Nah, I’d be like, “Hey Xeno, where’s my game of choice?” and he’d be like, “Sod off you ass.” And I’d teabag his corpse.
You like your Xbox 360 and your PS3 equally
/// I still hate the PS3, I hate its font, its light controller and the fact that two years later the only game that I really want is ‘LittleBig Planet’ WHich is taking its sweet time appearing.
Being a more ‘mature’ gamer means you have more disposable income, so you can afford the luxury of owning a PS3 and an Xbox 360. So you’ve become the gaming equivalent of the United Nations, calming accepting the virtues of both consoles to the deaf ears of Xbox zealots and Sony fanboys (who simply ignore you and carry on their slanging match regardless). Because when you stare at those side-by-side game comparison shots on CVG, you can’t see the difference. Maybe the PS3 palette is lighter… maybe… Of course, your eyesight could be failing…
/// Bullshit. I can cite any reasons why both systems are fucking peices of shit, hell I can cite good and bad on most systems. And the difference between the two is FUCKING GLARING at times.
You fondly remember a ‘golden age’ of gaming
/// I admit, the 24 hour gaming marathons of yore where great, but me and Baldy recreate that on the days we hang out. I think we’re in order to play some Twisted Metal in May, right man?
You lament the current glut of videogame sequels and often talk fondly of an innovative ‘golden age’ of gaming. You remember Manic Miner, good ‘ol Chuckie Egg and the Ultimate games on the ZX Spectrum. You played Sensible Soccer the first time around on the Amiga, Elite on your mate’s BBC B, and finished Sonic The Hedgehog on the Megadrive. Happy days… But when modernised versions of these gaming classics turn up on Xbox Live, your excitement quickly evaporates. You quickly realise that, by today’s standards, those cherished oldies are now shallow, repetitive and not much fun.
/// I hate this article now. Sonic was and always will be awesome. Yeah some games age like crap, but hundreds more are like a good wine. Sitting around waiting for you to come back around, savoring those fine moments. I’m not sure there was a ‘golden age ‘ of gaming really, considering that right now we have more people playing games of all ages, sexes, etc. We’re living it now.
You avoid playing on the Wii because it’s too much effort.
/// Out of shape is out of shape.
There’s no denying that the Nintendo Wii is a revolutionary games machine but… well, it does require a lot of effort. Aren’t there times when you just want to slouch into a comfy sofa with a traditional joypad? Times when you can’t be arsed with all that wiimote waving and waggling? It’s way too energetic – a 20 minute bowling session in Wii Sports is almost akin to a full workout.
/// I thought that this was the whole point, that it made gaming more inclusive? God of War made my thumb hurt. It goes both ways.
Your FPS experience consists of spawn, run, die… spawn, run, die… spawn…
/// No.
The reflexes that served you so well in GoldenEye and Quake seem to be two seconds slower than everybody else these days. You think ‘fire’, ‘jump’, ‘spin’, ‘run’, ‘collect spinny power-up’, but your fingers press ‘fire’ (and pause), ‘fire’ (and pause), ‘spin’ and… no, I actually meant ‘jump’, and – oh, I’m dead. Either you’re slowing down, or today’s hard-core gamerati are faster than you ever were.
/// No. If anything I’m much better than I was.
You find the idea of videogames based on board games perfectly acceptable.
/// If for the simple small caveat of saving time shiffling cards, moving plastic bits and the option to just power that annoying Monolpoly game off, gaming on the console is the tits.
Anyone for a game of Carcassonne tonight? The wife’s out until 10pm and I’ll be online after I’ve had my dinner…
/// I’d love too.
You’ve pre-ordered GTA IV but don’t mind if it doesn’t turn up on launch day
/// Xeno, do you have a copy of the super special useless version for me today? I want to kill hookers.
Wednesday’s just fine. Really. You’re a bit busy at the moment, anyway. In fact, you probably won’t get a chance to play GTA IV until the weekend. You’re also not bothered by the prospect of downloading the DLC for GTA IV either. You’ll never finish the main game anyway.
/// I’m fantasizing about the multiplayer right now.
WTF is this, a myspace survey?
I’ve gotten way to busy to game like I would want to. The only games that I put in any amount of time anymore is fighters. Gaming for me has turned into a group event. If I’m not gaming with my bros, then I rather be watching a movie or go somewhere else. So is everyone up for a big game night this Saturday? The Mrs will be gone all weekend and I have the house to myself, lol.
Same for me. If I’m not in a big group playing something, I’m usually not going to play a game for more than an hour or so, if I can find the time.