The New Xbox Experience… Goodbye blades. Hello Avatars!

 So this morning I got the message that the new Xbox Experience (which has been having some launch stumbles by the way) was ready and willing to inject itself (in an extreme fashion!!!) onto my 360. Without a moments hesitation, I told it yes, do come in. How’d it go? Oh man. AWESOME!

First of all there was like, this blingy sound and then some techno rock whatever and things were whizzing by, like fricking shark cars made of squids, squid racers man and yeah there was this light man, and this tower man like FUCKING AKIRA was all like BAM! and these cities man… they were made of sound!!!! I was like all WHEE weoeoeoeoowoewoeow WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! in my seat making mad air-guitar noises it was so cool!

Well, ok. More or less I was stuck watching a bunch of crap that must have taken some time to make and some money so I paid it that much courtesy at least, but it was the same vapid, souless intro any company makes to usher in something new. Barring Nintendo’s that is. I generally like their vapid intros a bit more. Must be Mario ‘Whoo-hooing!’ in them I think.

So after all that, I got to the next part of the NXE (that’s New Xbox Experience: or gNarly XTREME Experience as I call it, or even New Years Eve. Whatevs.) which was making my avatar. Now a big deal was made that Rare was involved in creating the avatar system, which is frankly amazing since there is NO FUCKING SIGN THEY DID SHIT but sorta copy the Wii system. Seriously. They look like taller Miis. With the same kinda options the Wii sports. Come on guys, if these avatars are supposed to represent the average gamer and what they want to be, where’s all the game associated clothing and hats and shit? Bomberman shirt? Nix. Gears of War 2: Cole Train Limited Stomping Boots and Gardening Shears? Also Nix. What the fuck?!

“We’re going to be continually releasing and unlocking clothes for the next six months. They’ll be coming out in theme packs.”

Ah. Of course. Enjoy your vanilla gamers! Oh and no weapons will ever be released since they decided people running around chainsawing each other with Lancers was a ‘bad idea.’ Fuck you. Where’s my Master Chief helmet you pricks?

So I make my white shark toothed goth girl avatar because I couldn’t be Bomberman. There. Now you’re MY bitch! NXE!

After that, it’s the usual reading and looking at the new system. A bit slow still, but I think it’s better than the blade system. The one and only change it makes that I like, and appreciate is that, much like Kotaku’s Luke Plunkett, I play on a computer monitor and the right size was never supported by my Xbox; and now they have added that size to it. So that’s A-OK in my book.

Oh and then I totally sent out invites to eight people to join my PARTY!!!!! Where that goes I have no clue, I think it has something to do with sex or gaming or them swinging seventies but really I have no clue.

Anyways, whether you like it or not this is the new flavor of XBOX. Suck it down!

- Tenno

Oh yeah, after you make your avatar, post this and replace GAMERTAG with your gamertag to get your avatar, all transparent and PNG. Though tiny.

http://avatar.xboxlive.com/avatar/GAMERTAG/avatar-body.png

Posted by Tenno