Update: my sister-in-law watched me shape rolls and told me I was killing the dough with my hands
I make rolls most weekends and always thought I had a gentle touch, but she stood in my kitchen in Cincinnati two weeks ago and said I was pressing too hard and working the dough way past when it needed me. I argued at first, then tried her way on a batch of 12, just folding and tucking instead of kneading hard, and the crumb came out so much lighter. I also started letting the dough rest 10 minutes between shaping steps, which sounds like nothing but it changed the whole feel of the batch. My last three trays actually rose evenly instead of the middle ones puffing up like softballs. Now I'm wondering if I've been overworking every dough I've touched for 15 years. Anyone here ever had someone point out something small like that and it turned out they were totally right?
My grandmother used to say the same thing about pie crust, that the less you mess with it the better it turns out. She never explained why, she just did it and her crusts were always flaky while mine came out tough as cardboard for years. I've noticed this same thing pop up in other places too, like when people scrub a cast iron pan too hard or stir risotto nonstop instead of letting it do its thing. Seems like half of getting good at stuff is learning when to stop touching it and just let it work. The hard part is you can't really teach that, somebody has to watch you and call it out.